How to Fall in Love with Your Spouse

*This post may contain affiliate links*

There's that moment. 
You know, the one. The one where you're all alone and you ask yourself:

"What am I doing?"
"Why did I do this"
"I don't even love him."

I won't say that all married wives have been here, but I have. There was a time where I would look at my husband and feel nothing. No butterflies. No excitement. Nothing

I preferred time alone than with him.
I didn't think much about anything physical.
Married life wasn't how I pictured it, and I was angry.

This is the turning point. The point where I had to figure out if I wanted to fight or give up. From the lack of connection to the constant fights-I didn't love him, and I questioned if I had ever been in love with him? This happened early on in our marriage, and many times after. We were going through the motions. I cried MANY times. I didn't want this. I wanted to run from it all.

Then, I made my decision. I wouldn't leave. I couldn't. It's my kids, right? I have to do this for them.

So, now what do I do? How do you love someone you feel nothing for?

1. You forget about love being a feeling. It isn't. It's an action. This isn't a fuzzy feeling cliche. Those butterflies won't sustain you through the hard times. When we marry, we tend to forget that we are marrying a carnal human with serious flaws. Those flaws aren't always in focus while dating-but they can be heart-wrenching after the honeymoon.

2. You pray. I prayed to see my husband the way the Lord sees him. This is the part of the story where I became broken. Proceed at your own risk. Seeing another human being in the eyes of the Lord, isn't for the faint of heart. Remember-He died a painful death for this man. To see him in that light, is changing.

3. You focus on yourself. Ah. You thought this was all about him, right? Well, you see...there comes a time where we must examine ourselves. Are we being the kind of spouses we would want to be married to? Are we, "treating him the way we would want to be treated"? Yeah. Might want to rethink the whole, silent treatment.

4. Go through hell together. It took my husband losing his job, and us losing our house before I attempted to save our marriage. Sad, right? Well, as sad as it may be-I am so thankful for those hardships. It was the first time I ever cried in front of my husband, because I needed him-not because I was angry at him. I told him I would stand by him no matter what happened, and that changed everything. I also told him that I trusted him-something I had never done before. I let go of the reins and let him rise. Like a phoenix up from the ashes, I saw a new creature emerge from his pain. I saw a boy become a man. I began to see him, just like my Lord sees him.

5. Fake it, till ya make it. This might be controversial, but it worked for me. Like I said before, love is really an action. So, you must ACT like you love him. What does the Bible say about love? 

Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13 4-7

Do this. Be this. A lot. 
Cook his favorite meal. 
Say "I love you". (A TON!)
Kiss him.
Be intimate with him. (Quit claiming that mysterious, chronic "headache")
Send him a sweet (albeit short, lol) text.
Smile at him.

You did it before. 
and again.
and again.
and again.

One day, you will wake up and do these things without thinking. You'll do them so naturally that you'll have a second profound moment. It'll be that moment that you look at him and you'll swear your heart skipped a beat. You'll have another moment where he isn't around, but man, you wish he was. 

You'll have that moment where you do feel the butterflies.

Marriage is more about holiness, than happiness. Being happy shouldn't be what you gauge a good marriage by. Cause honestly, you will have many days of unhappiness. It's what you do with those days that'll make all of the difference. 

6. Lay him at the cross and let go. Still struggling with it all? Have a spouse that won't love you back? Do not carry the burden of trying to change him. Do your part. Love him. But leave him and his poor actions at the cross. Allow the Lord to work in him (get out of the way!), and focus on His work in you. I promise, there will be peace in this. Persevere. Persevere. Persevere.

This is my story. I've been married almost 9 years and it took most of those to unlock what love is. I now go to bed with my best friend whom I can't keep my hands off of and despite being away from. The road getting here was awful, but compared to the way we were living? I'd do it again.

Your marriage can be beautiful, and it's never too late to fall in love.


  1. I love this Dominique! Marriage has not been easy for us either, but it has brought us to our knees and molded us more to Jesus. You have beautiful words, beautiful hope, beautiful truth!

    1. Oh thank you, mama! I really appreciate your kind words :)

  2. This is a great article. I recently got married six months ago. We've been together for 5 years suffered a miscarriage and a welcoming our son three years ago. We've had our mix of bad and tough times. I know for the future it will be tough at times but hopefull things will be alright.

    1. If you can hold on to that hope even when things get rough-you guys will be just fine. :)


Oh how I love to hear from you guys! Go ahead-talk to me!

Back to Top