The Day I Hated Homemaking

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These are just a few of the emotions and feelings that a stay-at-home mama or homemaker can feel at any given moment. This, of course, is expected. It's in the job description (you did get that memo, didn't you?).
What I wasn't expecting was to HATE what I was doing.
That isn't easy to admit. I CHOSE this life. Homemaking was a goal. It's not like something awful happened in order for me to walk this path-I asked for it.

So why did the day come where I didn't want it anymore? The day where I was feeling envy in my heart for the moms who worked? Those who had the second income, could take vacays, and wear real clothes every day. Why was I feeling jealousy towards my single friends? They can come and go as they please. Job promotions. New cars. New homes. Freedom. And let's not even talk about the Pinterest moms.
I could go through my Facebook feed and compare my life to every post. I saw every single thing that others had, that I didn't. I look at my youngest and realized I haven't had a night without a baby in my bed in three years-what am I doing?
I sat in my recliner and cried. What did I do wrong? 

I got married too soon.

We should have had a little time to ourselves first.

Why did we buy this house so soon?
Maybe I should go back to work?

All of these thoughts and more raced through my head. I could feel the panic attack rising up and my hope falling fast.

Then I heard it...

That still, small voice, that covered my heart in peace. He reminded me:

"You pledged your life to Me and said I could do what I wanted with it. I want you to raise these children. I want you to love your husband. I want you to keep your home. I want you to do all of this, so that you may inspire and encourage others."
He also reminded me the EXACT day I did this. I wasn't even with the hubs. I was dating someone else and they told me they didn't want to marry me. I laid in my bed sobbing uncontrollably. I begged God to send me someone to serve Him with. I wanted to be a wife and a mom. I just didn't want anything else.

Something else He reminded me? 

I was falling into the trap that the enemy has set for me. I was comparing myself to EVERYONE, and trying to mold my life into what the world says I should be. I had completely forgotten the joy that I get when I really put my whole self into homemaking. I feel so fulfilled! I feel accomplished. I was missing that.

Last, but not least-He reminded me that I had stopped investing in myself. I carefully craft my kids' meals each day. Most days I don't eat until noon and that's usually chips with salsa or a spoonful of PB. At night, I binge because I'm starving. Typically it's food that I'm not supposed to have (anyone else on gluten's death list?) and I end up feeling awful. It messes me up for a few days and the cycle continues. I've been caring about everyone else's health except my own-I started comparing myself to everyone else again and just gave up.

This isn't something easy to hear-especially not from the Lord. But in that moment, I felt a renewed love for the position I'm in. I've started trying to put good things back into my heart and mind. YouTube during nap-time has been a great friend. I watch homemaking mamas like A Farmhouse Full or Raising Clovers and feel inspired. I've been working through Money Saving Mom's course, Make Over Your Mornings to help jump start a better routine. I'm reading more books about my passions, including Jill Savage's Professionalizing Motherhood

Learn from the wise-it's very encouraging to hear someone say, "I've been there, and I get it."

So, if you're someone who is struggling with your day-to-day and feel like you're completely failing at the task in front of you-

"I've been there, and I get it."

For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose. Philippians 2:13

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