For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose. Philippians 2:13
The Day I Hated Homemaking
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These are just a few of the emotions and feelings that a stay-at-home mama or homemaker can feel at any given moment. This, of course, is expected. It's in the job description (you did get that memo, didn't you?).
What I wasn't expecting was to HATE what I was doing.
That isn't easy to admit. I CHOSE this life. Homemaking was a goal. It's not like something awful happened in order for me to walk this path-I asked for it.
So why did the day come where I didn't want it anymore? The day where I was feeling envy in my heart for the moms who worked? Those who had the second income, could take vacays, and wear real clothes every day. Why was I feeling jealousy towards my single friends? They can come and go as they please. Job promotions. New cars. New homes. Freedom. And let's not even talk about the Pinterest moms.I could go through my Facebook feed and compare my life to every post. I saw every single thing that others had, that I didn't. I look at my youngest and realized I haven't had a night without a baby in my bed in three years-what am I doing?
I sat in my recliner and cried. What did I do wrong?
I got married too soon.
We should have had a little time to ourselves first.
Why did we buy this house so soon?
Maybe I should go back to work?
All of these thoughts and more raced through my head. I could feel the panic attack rising up and my hope falling fast.
Then I heard it...
That still, small voice, that covered my heart in peace. He reminded me:
"You pledged your life to Me and said I could do what I wanted with it. I want you to raise these children. I want you to love your husband. I want you to keep your home. I want you to do all of this, so that you may inspire and encourage others."
He also reminded me the EXACT day I did this. I wasn't even with the hubs. I was dating someone else and they told me they didn't want to marry me. I laid in my bed sobbing uncontrollably. I begged God to send me someone to serve Him with. I wanted to be a wife and a mom. I just didn't want anything else.
Something else He reminded me?
I was falling into the trap that the enemy has set for me. I was comparing myself to EVERYONE, and trying to mold my life into what the world says I should be. I had completely forgotten the joy that I get when I really put my whole self into homemaking. I feel so fulfilled! I feel accomplished. I was missing that.
Last, but not least-He reminded me that I had stopped investing in myself. I carefully craft my kids' meals each day. Most days I don't eat until noon and that's usually chips with salsa or a spoonful of PB. At night, I binge because I'm starving. Typically it's food that I'm not supposed to have (anyone else on gluten's death list?) and I end up feeling awful. It messes me up for a few days and the cycle continues. I've been caring about everyone else's health except my own-I started comparing myself to everyone else again and just gave up.
This isn't something easy to hear-especially not from the Lord. But in that moment, I felt a renewed love for the position I'm in. I've started trying to put good things back into my heart and mind. YouTube during nap-time has been a great friend. I watch homemaking mamas like A Farmhouse Full or Raising Clovers and feel inspired. I've been working through Money Saving Mom's course, Make Over Your Mornings to help jump start a better routine. I'm reading more books about my passions, including Jill Savage's Professionalizing Motherhood.
Learn from the wise-it's very encouraging to hear someone say, "I've been there, and I get it."
So, if you're someone who is struggling with your day-to-day and feel like you're completely failing at the task in front of you-
"I've been there, and I get it."
Posted by Dominique Burleson at 6:50:00 PM